HI, I’M CAROLINE…
AND HERE IS MY STORY…
Throughout my life I’ve accepted myself as being a seeker of truth, looking outside of myself for that truth.
I was also taught as a woman to make sure everyone else was happy and to keep the peace.
All this got me was lost and confused and wanting to know why I was even here on this planet.
No matter what I did, no one was ever happy and there was never any peace. I certainly wasn’t happy or peaceful and I didn’t even know who I was.
In this process,
I LOST MYSELF…
In my early 20’s, married and with one child, my son, I thought there was something seriously wrong with me. I couldn’t seem to ever make my husband, at the time, happy or anyone for that matter. I was dying inside and didn’t know why and little by little gave myself away to him so he could be happy.
From not being who I really am and in giving myself away, I felt like I was becoming less than, smaller and smaller and took this feeling into every aspect of my life from that point on.
I continued to keep up with everything I had to do and everything I had to be and never learned how to just stop. I couldn’t even sit down before the day was almost over because when I stopped, I would pass out. It was the only way I could survive.
I began to feel like a failure and I needed to find a way fix myself, or so I though at the time.
MY JOURNEY TO “FIX” ME…
I had begun my healing journey around the age of 27. Nothing seemed to be working for me, especially my marriage. I could not make my then husband happy, no matter what I did and our marriage steadily went downhill.
During this time, my beautiful daughter was born, and it was a Magic Moment for me. Things appeared to change for the better, but only for a short time.
Throughout these years, in seeking my truth, I searched everywhere outside myself for healing and guidance and came to find that the answers were not there. I went through many acquaintances, religions, places I visited, college degrees, and schools of thought.
I researched teachings such as Eastern Philosophy, Yoga, Ayurvedic Medicine, and energy work/Reiki. Where I landed at the time was with Native American/Indigenous Teachings/nature based cultures, which helped the most to move me to where I am today.
The marriage itself, lasted 12 ½ years; and then the unimaginable happened.
At the end of the tumultuous relationship with my ex, my life began to shatter around me. I had tried so hard to keep my little family together to no avail. Hostile Divorce and Parental Alienation came into my life.
For me, it was just the beginning of the loss of my children where I couldn’t even grieve… Why? Because they didn’t die. It was a grief so deep, I couldn’t shake it off and was so painful for me, I shut down for almost 20 years of my life.
For the world, at the time, the words, Parental Alienation, was just coming out into the public, albeit slowly. There was no support from my family and there was no support online.
I had no one who understood what was happening with me. I learned later that to a lot of people who really don’t understand what this is, it’s simple; just take the soon to be ex-spouse to court. Not so easy, as I had begun to find out.
I actually found out about Parental Alienation from my children’s therapist, the one my ex and his wife hired. Interestingly, she too backed away after “secretly” telling me the words after a session we all had together.
This time was very confusing for me as I could not understand what was happening. Why couldn’t we work together? Why couldn’t we tell the children together that we loved them and would work together and be there for them no matter what? Why wasn’t anyone in the legal system, DCSE, police department helping me? Why? Why? Why?
I felt helpless and alone.
At the time, only one group was available to me, Parental Alienation Awareness Organization (the initiators of Bubbles of Love, Parental Alienation Awareness Day, annually on April 25th). It was so new, I was able to speak on the phone with the founder, Sarvy Emo as she had time. She was my lifeline back into the world.
Parental alienation occurs during a hostile divorce, where the children end up with one of the parents and due to the normal and natural growth process of children, not being told the whole truth about the noncustodial parent, or being lied to about the noncustodial parent, the child decides to not want anything to do with a loving parent. I was the alienated parent.
Parental Alienation generally involves narcissistic behavior by the custodial parent and/or guardian. I have spoken to many people who have gone through this and that is usually the common denominator.
At the time, I still had no idea which direction to turn, and no one in my life understood what I was going through, although my friends tried. Finally, at least, after 7 years of a living nightmare, I could put a word to what was happening to me.
But it didn’t end there.
For me, during that time, I felt lost, alone and in a complete and utter depression and was desperately looking for a way to “fix” myself so I could be there for my kids.
Going through my process, I started to realize there was nothing wrong with me, nothing to fix.
After speaking with counselors, therapists and coaches, I found out that everything I was feeling was completely normal, especially going through something so completely sadistic as Parental Alienation and in dealing with the Court System.
Going through it, I felt I was the only one, however, throughout the years, I found out, it was much more insidious than I had originally thought.
Insidious to the point that approximately 65% of marriages end up in divorce in this country alone and Parental Alienation happens in about 70 – 80% of the countries in the world. Think there might be an issue here?
What was discovered by others in the field who have studied this endemic in the legal system and having been exposed to this myself, as a noncustodial parent, there is generally nothing you can do to fight against this legal system unless you have a lot of money.
And… sadly, even those that have money, are taken advantage of by some attorneys because of the alienated parent’s assets. The legal system, through divorce, is tearing down the family system. (Please note that parental alienation not only affects noncustodial parents and the children but can also affect the siblings, grandparents and other special people in a child’s life.)
Practically no one who goes through a hostile divorce and has children, is immune.
Add to this the narcissistic behavior of the custodial parent/guardian and this is a time bomb set to go off. It, among other systems in our society, are destroying humanity.
I believe that narcissism is also a direct result of the way we are raised in our society.
Oddly enough, there is a connection between narcissism, selfishness and consumerism. I don’t understand what this world is coming to, but I want to be someone who does something about it. I want to serve humanity and this is…
THE RESULT OF MY STORY…
After going through over 25 years of self-discovery and coming home to a place of clarity on myself and my purpose, I am now open and ready to share my story.
I have two adult children, ages 29 and 23, and I am very proud of them. The process I worked through during the parental alienation years, started my search into myself.
In July 2014, I took a Personal Development course with my son and my life took off.
I don’t, however, want to make this sound glamorous; it was not. It took two years of tears and many Dark Nights of the Soul. I also worked through anger, sadness, shame, fear, and feeling in lack and not good enough.
Then I took another Personal Development course that took me to another level of learning; healing and being present for myself and others. Learning this helped me to break through that last piece of the missing link that was stopping me from enjoying my life and being of service to others.
I now have a beautiful relationship with my son and still in process with my daughter. I send her texts and have been able to speak to her a few times on the phone. I am grateful to have been through the process.
I decided to use my story as a catalyst to help others in whatever way I can.
From my experience, I have started a support group for noncustodial mothers on Facebook. If you are a noncustodial mother looking for support or have been through parental alienation, please head over to Glimmers of Hope – Noncustodial Mother’s Support – Divorce/PA. If you are a Father or Family Member/Sibling, you can connect with me at Glimmers of Hope – All Inclusive Family Support Group – Divorce/PA. Please be aware these are closed groups and you will need to answer a couple of questions before entry. You can find more information on this website under Glimmers of Hope – Divorce/Parental Alienation on the menu.
Working with Divorced Women and Noncustodial Moms in their growth and healing process is very important to me as I know that when the feminine heals herself, the world will heal and grow. This and my children are my why as to why I am doing this.
I feel that healing this planet and the people on it, is of high importance in my life and it all starts with the Mother Wound; the wounding of Mother Earth and the wounding of our girls, women, mothers and grandmothers that have been going on far to long, literally affecting life on this planet for all, including me. We ARE the bearers of life!
These wounds have in turn affected the boys and men; it is time to heal the deep hole of emptiness in us all.
WITH CONSUMERISM COMES CLUTTER – THE DARK DEEP HOLE OF EMPTINESS
Our growing interest in clutter and overwhelm is a sure sign that something is really wrong. Do we even understand what clutter means? Why do we keep the things we do? Things that we no longer love or even care about.
Everything we own has an attachment, an underlying reason why. Our emotions are a direct link to these attachments. The only way to move forward from clutter and overwhelm is to release those stuffed emotions.
We have to let go of these negative emotions and attachments. Yet, on a daily basis we are bombarded with why we should buy more things. This can be so overwhelming in itself.
And at some point, we completely get lost in why we bought that thing to begin with. Or why we are holding onto what we have. We are doing what we are being told to do, consume, consume, consume.
I’m guessing now you are feeling overwhelmed by all of this and don’t know what to do.
Are you holding on to things you haven’t touched in 20 years? And for what reason? Do you even know that at this point?
I come to you with a background in helping people release, break free, move forward and live life! Clutter is life depleting, it’s time to let go of the unnecessary attachments and move on.
Because of the events that occurred for almost 20 years of my life with my children, the process I used to get through it involved not only personal development, it also included getting a Master’s Degree in Metaphysical Humanistic Science and a becoming a Coach.
I also have a wide and varied background in many fields such as the military, business, and administration.
I have moved over 53 times in my life, so that equates to about 30 years’ worth of experience. During these times I learned to declutter, downsize, pack, deal with moving companies and the process of moving in and of itself.
Learning how to be present in my own life, led me to combine my gifts and skills into a cohesive program that can guide and assist you in working through anxiety and breaking through unconscious belief systems.
It will move you forward, decluttering your life in the process.
Awaken to your infinite potential and join the critical mass in healing ourselves, each other and the Earth.
Decluttering is a tool; love is the journey.
To support as many people as possible in Decluttering Your Life and becoming present in order to be available to those you love, and connection, love, support and guidance for those going through Parental Alienation and seeing this through to change. I do this through…
By using decluttering for the environment, mind and life as a means of becoming present and available for our children and families through public speaking, support groups and circles. Declutter Your Life With Caroline and Glimmers of Hope, provide guidance and assistance in reclaiming your life with the help of partners also involved in helping children and their families because we care about what happens to our children.
Helping alienated parents and erased families reunite with their children. This is accomplished by using education and awareness of what Parental Alienation is and what it is doing to families and our society.
A NEW WORLD
Decluttering my environment, my mind and my life was the catalyst on my journey to seek out and see the truth. None of the answers were outside of me. I found them inside myself. I am now a Seer of Truth.
“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.” E. H. Chapin